The Bitter Fourth

The wife was at the breakfast table. I hesitated for a bit then said it. “You know, Rajat and Sunil will leave work early today. I can come back early too, if you want.” 

“Why?” the wife asked, as she buttered her multi-grain toast. (I have no idea what the advantage of multi-grain is if you are going to slather butter on it.) “Well, both Sonia and Rati are fasting for Karwa Chauth. So, the boys want to be back home early as soon as the moon rises.”

“Disgusting,” said the wife with an expression to back it. “Sonia, at least, is an educated woman. Why the hell doesn’t she ask Rajat to fast for her instead? I can’t believe that these women give in to these typical patriarchal rituals.” My wife studied sociology in college.

“Nothing wrong with tradition, yaar,” I said in a conciliatory tone, “and this one is about love. Nothing wrong.”

“Rubbish. I don’t know where you have got your silly ideas from. Karwa Chauth is a ritual that comes from the martial communities of north India, who had moved to settled agriculture. These people used to harvest grain around this time and store grain in large earthen pots called Karwas. Around this time, the men around Punjab and Rajasthan would leave for nomadic ventures. The fourth day or Chauth of the Kartik month was set aside for a day long ritual to pray for the well-being of the males of the tribe. That is the origin of Karwa Chauth.”

The wife was now on her sociologist’s pedestal now, from where she looked down upon us MBA types. “As patriarchy took root in village communities in the rest of North India the ritual of Karwa Chauth fed on local matriarchal rituals and assimilated them. For instance in UP, the Karwa Chauth rituals retain traces of old mother goddess cults, where the Karwa or pot stands for the womb.”

This was all going over my head. “I still haven’t understood what is so wrong about it? How does it matter how it began as long as today it is a romantic occasion?” I asked.

“Did you know about Karwa Chauth before Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge?” the wife countered. “Yes, of course, I did. I have known it since the time of Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. Heh heh. ” The wife was not impressed with my joke. “That is exactly it. Karwa Chauth has been transformed into a romantic ritual by Bollywood. And, that too the Bollywood, where no one is poor, the only problems are those of emotions, where mothers and fathers and sons and daughters-in-law have specific roles to play in the larger interests of the parivaar.”

Bad mistake, to have brought this up. But, too late – the wife had been unleashed. “This Karwa Chauth that the wives of your colleagues (the wife forgot to mention most of her own friends) celebrate, is a product of Bollywood, advertising, and the market. What used to be a ritual for women in some parts of North India has been spread by the market to the entire country. It is like Valentine’s Day. 

"What is worse is that its romance reinforces all the traditional values of a patriarchal society. The good wife must fast for her husband’s well-being, and that is the best way to express her love. The husband, in turn, will give her gifts and protect her, because that is what good husbands must be – providers.”

“Oh! Come one! Many husbands fast as well nowadays. And, let me tell you, on Karwa Chauth day the husband feeds the wife the first morsel and gives her the first sip of water,” I said. I understand women’s liberation and all, but I don’t like traditions to be belittled.

“Rubbish!” said the wife, using her favourite word. “The husband feeds the wife on that day, only because it upholds the norm that the wife must feed the husband on all other days. It is an exception to the rule that the wife is responsible for the kitchen, while the husband has to provide what goes into it.”

I didn’t want to argue any further. “Ok yaar. Don’t get so bitter about it.”

“But, that’s exactly what it is,” the wife said. “It is Kadwa. It is the bitter fourth of the patriarchal month.”

Lo. Kallo Baat.